i am so happy that Anthony Raneri is back to blogging and ranting and say what he feels!! boy, i have missed it so much. anyone else happy?

So, I am super aggravated right now and I figure since no one I want to talk to is answering my calls right now, I will just write it down on here. I can’t publicize this on any other site because I don’t want to offend anyone (which seems to be happening far too often these days and I don’t even know why I care). And since only 2 people actually follow me on this thing, I think I’m good to bitch about just anything.

Ok, so the reason I’m mad is this: I am really good at getting boys to like me for about 2 weeks. That’s usually about how long I can keep them interested. Things will be going great or so I believe and poof, things change and I am made into this person that doesn’t exist. It’s a cycle that is never ending. Well, I found a boy that I was decently interested and I thought things were going really well. We hung out a lot, we talked a lot and I even met his parents. So as you would imagine I’m thinking things are going great. Well, about 2 weeks into it and bam! I don’t exist anymore. Here I am, left in the dark without a clue as to what is going on. Always happens. Well anyways, we end up seeing each other a few weeks down the road and we have a great conversation about everything. He tells me that he had no intention of hurting my feelings or leading me in the wrong direction but things just moved a little too quickly for him. He told me that he had some things that he really had to take care of and figure out on his own before he could be committed to anyone at this point. And considering the circumstances of this person’s life, I completely understood and was completely content leaving this conversation. So, abount a month goes by and we see each other in passing and he still tells me all of this stuff and out of no where, I see that he’s in a relationship on FB! Now I know it’s crazy but we’re all creepers, just admit it. I’m just really frustrated with the situation because it’s not that you didn’t want to be in a relationship, you didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. And I hate being lied to. It’s just rude! It’s aggravating and annoying! But I just am frustrated that I can’t seem to do anything right in the area of dating. With this guy, I told him up front that I was into him and I wasn’t in to any game playing and I would be 100% honest all the time, I thought I deserved the same respect. So here, I am nice and I show my true self to someone and it’s not enough. I’m too nice. But in other cases, where I hold back and go into it carefully, I don’t show enough. It’s a lose-lose situation here for me. I can’t win. I don’t get what I’m doing wrong here. It’s a never ending horrible cycle that I can’t get myself out of. If you’re nice to people, your kindness is seen as a weakness. If you hold back and aren’t so nice, you’re a bitch. How do I find a happy medium? I just want to be myself and find someone that is okay with that. Maybe I’m asking too much of people but I really don’t think I am. This town is full of self-proclaimed gods and really they’re all a bunch of assholes.

I really have no idea what to do, but I’m done trying.

And that is it for my rant of the day.

Another school year has begun again. It seems so crazy to already be back. I feel like this summer flew by and I didn’t even do anything that exciting. Kind of disappointing. Oh well. It feels really good to be back on campus and see everyone running around. I’m really hoping for a good year this year. It shouldn’t be a problem though, I’ve been killing school lately.

I miss Lauren a lot. I can’t wait for fall break so I can go to Colorado for like 5 days! It’s going to be amazing!

I also really miss my mom. I’m thinking I need a trip to Arizona too soon.

My life is absolutely ridiculous right now, but I’m not complaining.

it still hasn’t sunk in yet that lauren is leaving in 3 weeks. i have a feeling this is going to be way harder than i am planning on it being.

i’m almost completely content with my life. this is the first time i’ve felt this way in a while. things might not be perfect but there are people in my life that make that ok.

So, I just got back from my vacation yesterday and I can’t even begin to describe how much I love it out west. Getting to spend time in Arizona with my mom was amazing. I can’t wait to move there. The sooner the better. I’m trying to decide how long I’m going to be able to handle living here. I have two years left in school and honestly, I don’t know if I can do it. I just love the atmosphere out there. It’s flippin beautiful for one and I just feel so at home there. I can’t even explain it.

Vegas is also amazing! I want to go back ASAP. But next time, someone has to teach me how to gamble first. I lost 5 bucks on the slot machine. I didn’t even win once. I suck. I want to learn how to play Black Jack.

I guess that’s all. I just want to move real bad now!

Arizona you have always had my heart.

I don’t really have any reason to be writing this but I thought, hey why not? I haven’t posted in a while and it’s not like it matters because not a single person follows me on this thing, but oh well right.

 Overall, today was a pretty great Sunday. I woke up around noonish, went to a Big Brothers, Big Sisters picnic, which was a lot of fun. I just hung out with my little and her family, ate a hot dog, and played on the playground with a bunch of little kids. It was awesome. I got a little sunburnt and I’m ok with it. I have a tan arm and it’s weird but it’s summer, that’s what happens. After that, I came home and hung out with Lauren for a bit and then I took a monster of a nap on the couch. I had a horrible dream which left me feeling frantic and I still kind of have anxiety because of it. Thus, put me in a horrible mood when I woke up from my nap. Sometimes I just get moody when I wake up from a nap and everything makes me angry or sad. Oh well, overall, it was still a good day.

 Here are just some random thoughts I’m having tonight…

I sincerely love my apartment. It’s little but it’s absolutely perfect for me and I love it so much. Even though, there are creepy Mexican men standing outside late at night when I get home, my neighbors are always blasting Enrique Inglesias and honking, I still love it.

I really want to learn to ride a bike. If anyone wants to help me out, I would greatly appreciate that.

 I am obsessed with Adele. I love her so much, her music always fit my mood, no matter which mood I am in.

I really want to work on improving myself. I feel like I have let myself go down this path that I know isn’t me and I’ve made some really horrible decisions along the way, but I want to change that around. I feel that this weekend was a great start for me. Instead of getting sloppy drunk, saying inappropriate things and making horrible decisions, I stayed in and enjoyed the time off work and had some great time to myself. I’m going to start doing that more often. I don’t think there is anything wrong with drinking, but there is something wrong with the way I do it sometimes. I’m just going to cool it with the massive amounts of beer and really work on being the person that I know I am.

I also really want to get back to hanging out with my old friends. Not that there is anything wrong with the people I hang out with now, but the old ones just fit me so much better and I feel that a lot of those people are more sincere than some of the ones I’m around now.

I don’t understand people sometimes. I don’t understand how people can just completely cut you out of their lives and show no remorse. How can you go from being great friends with someone, things get a little weird, so you just cut them out completely? It bothers me that people don’t want to be my friend for no apparent reason. It’s been almost a year and this still bothers me.

 I genuinely miss a lot of people being in my life. A lot.

Last summer blows summer 09 out of the water. Bowling Green is a ghost town this summer and nothing has happened yet. I’m still waiting.

New Found Glory is the greatest band ever!

I’m more than happy that I jumped on the Twilight bandwagon.

My vacation is in 2 weeks and I can’t wait to go to Arizona and spend a week with my mom. I am so excited to get out of Ohio and spend some time in my potential new home. I guess I will really see if I want to move there after school or not. I guess we’ll see.

At this point, I have no idea where my life is going and I guess I’m ok with that. Every day is an adventure and it’s kind of exciting.

I’m going to get out of here now and take a shower and watch one of my favorite movies on the couch. I have a work meeting in the morning but then I’m off, so another great day of doing nothing is ahead.

Yesterday, instead of wanting to come home and pack up my things, I went to Best Buy to walk around and peruse and if there was anything that sparked my interest. Well, one of the things that I purchased was Adele 19 and I’m very happy that I did. It perfectly captured the mood that I’ve been in lately. And I found a song that I am just in love with. It’s called Crazy For You. And I love it. So, I am going to put the song up on here. And since I am Tumblr incapable, here are the lyrics. Listen to the song. It makes my day. On another note, tonight is the last night in this apartment and it’s becoming very sad. I feel like I just moved in here and I can’t believe this year has come and gone as quickly as it has. It’s pretty ridiculous. Moving tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it. My dad is coming up to help and I’m sure he is just going to yell at me and be frustrated the whole time like he normally is with me when we have to do things like this. I’m sure I’ll hear “Allison Marie” more that I want to. But whatever, I love him. Ok, here’s some Adele. Listen to this song. Found myself today singing out loud your name, you said I’m crazy, if I am I’m crazy for you. Sometimes sitting in the dark wishing you were here turns me crazy, but it’s you who makes me lose my head. And every time I’m meant to be acting sensible you drift into my head and turn me into a crumbling fool. Tell me to run and I’ll race, if you want me to stop I’ll freeze, and if you are me gonna leave, just hold me closer baby, and make me crazy for you. Crazy for you. Lately with this state I’m in I can’t help myself but spin. I wish you’d come over, send me spinning closer to you. My oh my, how my blood boils, it’s sweet taste for you, strips me down bare and gets me into my favourite mood. I keep on trying, fighting these feelings away, but the more I do, the crazier I turn into. Pacing floors and opening doors, hoping you’ll walk through and save me boy, because I’m too crazy for you. Crazy for you

I hate when I wake up from a wonderful nap and my social sites disappoint me.

Like I just said, getting old is weird. You start to realize things about yourself that you don’t want to realize. I am everything that I never thought I’d be. I’m everything that I said I hated at one point in time. It’s so weird to finally see it. And I’m not proud to admit that either. What’s worse is realizing the mistakes you made in your life and the people you let go so quickly or so easily. Or that you’re the reason people aren’t around anymore. I really hate it.

I just want to be 16 again without a care in the world. And being able to look out at this great big world and think to myself “Someday I can conquer it” but now all I feel is that it conquered me.

I just got weird and mushy and I don’t like that either.

On a lighter note, school is almost over and I have a feeling that this summer is going to be one of the best yet. Summer 2k9 can’t start soon enough. I’m ready for some big adventures, new people, and summer romance. Bring it on world.